I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
