I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
