In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
