did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
