bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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