Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
