Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
