Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
