how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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