I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
