Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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