I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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