Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is the high leading the old right now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Text me some of your sweat
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
