Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Less talking, more tequila
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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