Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
