Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
honey bunches of taint.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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