You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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