right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
