I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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