i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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