I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
