you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
