hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
