why didn't you poke me back
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
