It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well you can't waste a boner
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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