Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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