we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
