Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
