I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
