So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
