dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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