Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think I just sharted jello shots
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