why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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