I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
