can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
