you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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