I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
