You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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