i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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