I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
