Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
