I think i peed on brittanys purse
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
