He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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