I could make wine with my vomit
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
