What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
