I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
