I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
