i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
