that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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