She said her name was "party"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
