I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
