last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
