i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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