a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
