A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
