i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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